Thursday, January 6, 2011

10 Horrible Dating Sites

1. Ignore the Junk out of
Premise: We give you tons of beautiful girls that are single in your area and have the same interests as you. Once we get them connected to you, they friend you on Facebook and never talk to you again. It's like they never existed.

Score: I have hopes for this one.


Premise: This is a niche site for everyone who liked the current Tron movie who also wants to date others who liked that movie. The website asks you a Tron specific question in order to determine if you are legit.

Score: There were only six people on the site and 3 of them were from Ireland.

Premise: Another niche site that welcomes middle aged, balding men to search for local asian women, nineteen year olds and women who work at Rite Aid. The methods of communication involve contacting your partner over

Score: Every profile picture is taken through window blinds. Not very promising.


Premise: singles who have a strong dislike toward diabetes pairing together. You don't need to have diabetes, you just need to hate it. Spend endless hours describing your loathe for the needles and the insulin medicine. Don't worry, we screen our profiles. In fact, some people with the actual ailment have been turned away due to their indecision about it.

Score: Very good! People who hate diabetes are actually very hot.


Premise: Ever have a foreigner ask you for marriage within three seconds of bumping into them on a crowded street. Well now you can find them everywhere in one spot. Quick Foreigner Marriage takes desperate white women and matches them to foreign men who have polar opposite cultural values. In no time you will be cleaning Vloraf's wooden stove while he throws chicken at you. If we cannot get you married in three days of your match, we will execute a profile member.

Score: It's disheartening that the only English half the foreigners know is, "Marriage now or my people will kill me."

Premise: Apparently you can be a famous director and have a unique handsome look. This website is devoted to matching girls with men who act like M. Night Shymalan. These men will spend countless hours looking sharp, while demanding encouragement for horrible projects that should have never been given to children. On special occasions they will brag about ambitions that require Bruce Willis to be dead or plan out simple campaigns that involve water to solve the solution.

Score: I don't know, I mean he's cute, but he needs to get a hobby!


Premise: Before dating sites were big, you usually had to get drunk at a New Year's Eve party to wake up with a woman who talks to cats. Now we stockpile them online. If you are the kind of guy who can't live without a relationship where she weeps horribly when you ask her "chicken or fish?" then we have those. Maybe you want a girl who makes a scene in public because your elbow touched another girl--you are in luck! We match you with any unstable issue including: paranoia, violent mood swings, irratic lust, ultra sensitive, control isues and unhealthy animal attention.

Score: This website has both quantity and quality in this area.


Premise: Usually Christian websites are dirty, filthy and no different then trying to get a date at a bar. We took all of Christian culture and put it into one handy dating site so you don't sin. All profiles contain modest head shots of women in bonnets, with other photos of them churning butter or writing letters to Mr. Darcy. The male profiles all contain promises that the men are truly dating out of the Lord's will and they swear to be pure throughout the courtship because sex is never an issue that would cross their mind. If you choose to hook up with someone you will be put on a 3 month waiting period of answering questions from her father before you are allowed to enter the "side hug" phase. After the side hug phase your wildest dreams will come true--hand holding.

Score: I really like the Charismatic package you can get where you are allowed to follow a girl around saying "God told me we are getting married" until she submits or gets a restraining order.


Premise: Do you remember being in high school and wanting someone hot looking and superficial? Are you jealous of the Jersey Shore relationships and their lack of substance? How about living like a rock star and dating like one to? You can go back to those dreamy times, where the outside mattered way more than the inside and love was just a game. We hook you up with thousands of hotties, with no intention to love, befriend, encourage or know you. It's all good times with no fear of maturity.

Score: Yes the women are good looking, but all their pastimes include blacking out in a bar, while looking through a plastic surgeon's catalog.


Premise: We give you tons of beautiful girls that are single in your area and have the same interests as you. Once we get them connected to you, they friend you on Facebook and never talk to you again. It's like they were never there.

Score:Wait...what? Oh...I get it.


Anonymous said...

This is hilarious!
I never been this sites.
Thanks for this!

african girl said...

These sites are terrible! Quite annoying don't you know that? Some of it tend to do lots of promises to the members but only to find out that there are lots of flaws about their services. But not all some of it are helpful and many of my friends met their lover boy through online dating.

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